Monday, July 24, 2006

Desperate Island

ITV is making a last-ditch attempt to save its troubled reality show 'Love Island' by importing more models, and you just know it isn't going to work.

'Love Island' is doomed. You've seen the ratings. It’s been beaten by repeats on Five, and they've bought back serial letch, former 'Hollyoaks' actor Paul Danan.

Danan appeared on last year's show when it was still known as 'Celebrity Love Island'. After that, he went on to appear in his own ITV show, 'Test Drive my Girlfriend’ on one of its digital channel.

Apparently, surprise surprise, he liked his job a little too much and the show was axed.

After the arrival of Danan come more models, with Australian Emily Scott turning up last night.

Even ITV's own website calls Danan "nutty". Go figure. Predictably he love he new Aussie blonde.

"Emily’s gorgeous. Great green eyes, a lovely little face, nice body and she’s really outgoing. I think I’ve got quite a good chance. I’m feeling it! I’m feeling it hard.

Oh please. Emily better watch out though as bunny boiler Sophie Anderton is not so impressed. Sensing competition Soph has already ruled on the new girl Emily. "There's a pecking order here and she can get in line. I don’t think she’s 23. She’s got too many wrinkles around her eyes".

Next up on to the island are glamour model twins Eve and Emma Ryan. And of course one of them has slept with David Beckham -- eight years ago, but at least she's still milking it. That's what this show needs…wait they're all milking it, maybe lease milk is needed.

Emma told the News of the World: "He couldn't wait to see me naked and play strip Scrabble." David Beckham and Scrabble? Oh come on.

Having dropped the “celebrity” tag and just settled for plain old 'Love Island', ITV chiefs must have concluded what its viewers did long ago. It's a very boring show and the "stars" are on the whole kind of unpleasant.

These people are quite nice to look at, but after five minutes of that, does ITV expect anyone to keep watching.

ITV's second problem is that wheeling out more wannabe blondes with boob jobs is not going to save anyone. It's main audience for this show is gay men and women, who are even less interested in blondes with boob jobs than the rest of us.


At 4:22 PM, Anonymous return of the online jedi said...

welcome back sweetie - where have you been?

i'm so pleased you back and blogging again. i often watch this kind of programme but find them too complex to form my own opinion. praise the lord that the online sex monkey gordon can help us out.

what a guy


At 4:51 PM, Anonymous the online pixie said...

1 What were The Hoff's opening comments on this morning's interview on BBC Breakfast news?

2 Which political poppet has just popped up in Afghanistan?

3 Which pop puppet has just popped out in Hamstead?

4 Who was The Hoff's hero?

5 What is the name of the company that is now producing Pammy blow up dolls without her permission?

6 Who wandered lonely streets behind where the old Thames does flow?

7 Who wandered chartered streets behind where the chartered Thames doth flow?

8 It's a funny old game it's gettin better by the day/I could be a millionaire by May/My wife has gone, my daughter won't be gone....What classic TV show are these the song lyrics from?

9 Who's catchphrase was Just the one?

10 What links Well I shuffle through the city on the 4th July like a firecracker waitin to blow to Cher to Scarlet Johanson to American Beauty to The Mask to Julia Roberts to Pamela Anderson to Alan Shearer to I don't want nobody else I love you (she's lyin'...) to Madonna to Well I went to Olympiaaaaaaaaa where everyone's the same. They look the same/The talk the same/yeah yeah they even f*** the same to Well I shuffle through the city on the 4th July like a firecracker waiting to blow...

At 8:01 AM, Blogger Gordon said...

Happy to help when it comes to these taxing subjects.

At 9:52 AM, Anonymous The King of Hoff said...

The Hoff said 'Saddam's Hungry!' on BBC Breakfast news yesterday.

At 9:53 AM, Anonymous Little Dennis Waterman said...

I could be so good to you in anyway you want me to!

At 11:08 AM, Anonymous George Cole said...

There's a Dennis Waterman link here isn't there? He wrote the theme tune and sang the theme tune to 'On the Up'- 'it's a funny old game it's gettin better by the day, I could be a millionaire by May'.

Mrs Wemberley, the housekeeper from 'On the Up' had the catchphrase 'just the one'...

At 11:24 AM, Anonymous KITT said...

Saddams's hungry!

Classic...give this man his own musical...

At 3:48 PM, Anonymous Question for Becks... said...

How many points does one get at scrabble for the word 'hasbeen'?

At 7:49 PM, Blogger Navito UK Shopping said...

We like watching Love Island in the background as "wallpaper TV" - beats watching the news when it's so depressing anyway. You can see why they had to have "The Danan" back. Without him what would happen? American imports can't be relied upon because they seem to like leaving early.


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