Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Dating Ronald

Have you ever given much thought to Ronald McDonald's sex life? No me neither, but someone has.

In his new novel 'jpod' (a sort of follow-up to Microserfs) Douglas Coupland devotes much time to Ronald's sex life. It must be something to do with living in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. Really, Doug you have too much time on your hands... which you have put to great use. Who knew there would be so many laughs to be had discussing the sex life of an asexual fast-food mascot clown.

The jPod, in case you were wondering, has nothing to do with Apple and is the name for a set of cubicles (or pod) in a games company where everyone is placed by HR simply because their surname begins with the letter J. Sort of random in an orderly HR kind of way.

And, of course, one thing the jPodders hate more than anything else is McDonald's, or at least that horribly processed smell of fast food that is referred to as the taint. When one character (evil Mark) brings the taint into the office, Ronald's sex life comes under the microscope.

"Maybe McDonald's food is the way it is because Ronald is lonely."
"Lonely? He's asexual."
"That doesn't mean he's not lonely. Maybe he needs a cat."
"I bet he's into water sports."
"No, that'd mess up his make-up."
"I think he's probably bi-curious."

And then...

"I wonder what he's like on a date?"
"Well you couldn't really got to a movie with him, because everybody would recognise him. No privacy. It'd be like dating Spider-Man."

The jPodders conclude that, like all clowns, Ronald probably sits alone (in Bel Air) and drinks wonder if the fame, the money and the fries is all worth it.

"We should find him a mate."
"Let’s all write to Ronald to explain why each of us is his ideal mate."

jPod is out on June 5.

19 Comments:

At 9:56 AM, Anonymous Sherlock Holmed said...

he's not real.

 
At 10:06 AM, Anonymous Dr Watson said...

Interesting blog comment this. Can't see that it's much to do with marketing, media or PR as such but interesting nonetheless.

Us sales people know what a pod is. We sit in them all day.

Interesting to think what Ronald McDonald's children would look like.

 
At 10:09 AM, Blogger Gordon said...

Dr Watson - Ronald is an icon brand mascot key to MacDonald's marketing. There might just be a connection. Okay, I'm trying hard to justify something that I found particularly funny, but I'm sure it's worth bringing to everyone's attention.

 
At 10:12 AM, Anonymous Krusty the clown said...

Hey kids Krusty here,

I'm here to tell you that despite illfounded allegations made on certain websites, my good friend Ronald McDonald is not 'like Michael Jackson'. His lawyers will prosecute anyone who insinuates that a middle age clown who hangs around burger bars talking to children has anything to hide. Whilst Ronald remains single, this is purely through not being able to find the right woman clown to share his life with. Anyone who suggests Ronald is somehow 'pulling a Gary Glitter' by wearing a silly costume to put youngsters at ease is misunderstanding just how innocent this clown really is.

Parents have nothing to fear from Ronald, or from the clown community as a whole.

 
At 10:15 AM, Anonymous Miss Marple said...

I think its strange how you never see Gordon and Ronald in the same place at the same time...

Care to elaborate for us Gordy - have i cracked the biggest case since time began??

 
At 10:20 AM, Anonymous Poirot said...

Ah the leetle grah seells are wahrking weell Mees Marple. Eh theenk you ahre onto something 'ere.

 
At 10:25 AM, Anonymous Columbo said...

One more thing Krusty- you're not actually denying anything are you?

 
At 10:25 AM, Anonymous Professor Plum said...

i still think it was colonel mustard in the drawing room with the lead piping. I've got to be right one day. Please reassure me Gordon, I long to be a super sleuth

 
At 10:31 AM, Anonymous still not promoted said...

Great to have you back Gord!

 
At 10:36 AM, Anonymous jonathan creek said...

on a lonely night in my windmill i had a thought. Ronald would look smashing in a new outfit. I'm thinking skinny jeans, winkle pickers and a well groomed moustache. He'd definitely find a mate that way. hopefully the stench of rancid burgers would disappear once he had some new threads.

Maybe kate moss would give him a go, after all the temptation of Large fries and coke for £1.99 may be too much for her to say no to

 
At 10:39 AM, Anonymous pete doherty said...

The thing with Katie is she's a lovely girl but it's a cruel, cruel world. If Ronald goes it'll be less a case of 'da da da da da I'm lovin it' and more a case of 'bang bang your dead'.

Pass the drugs would you I'm starting to make too much sense

 
At 10:40 AM, Anonymous Carl Barat said...

Pete that didn't really make any sense.

I feel like the Albert Finney character in Dennis Potter's 'Kareoke'. Everyone's speaking my lines.

 
At 10:48 AM, Anonymous Girl with a one track mind said...

I know for a fact that Ronald is straight. I've had him.

 
At 11:54 AM, Blogger Dan said...

I have an evil Mark who sometimes brings the taint into my office.

 
At 12:19 PM, Blogger Gordon said...

Dan, I heard about your evil Mark. He brings the Taint into the office? That is evil.

 
At 12:38 PM, Anonymous one handed clap? said...

would it be less evil if we changed the word 'Taint' to 'Fuzzy lickle bunny wabbits'? There's no way you can hate them.

As always its all about perceptions

 
At 12:49 PM, Anonymous Ferdinand be Saussure said...

But what does the word 'taint' mean? If you think about it all meaning is arbitary really. The word 'taint' can mean whatever we want. To me, 'taint' is a product that can be used to both paint walls and to self tan.

Food for thought.

 
At 12:55 PM, Anonymous dictionary corner said...

taint for thought, I'd say...

 
At 9:47 AM, Blogger mrloverlover said...

Ah see what you did there Gordon. Could we have a blog entry on censorship of blog comments? Surely the whole point of this thing is to provide some interaction with your readers? And surely you don't want to stop comments, however silly they may seem?

 

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